WOW...been forever since ive been on here...like sophmore year in HS.

now where am i? college!!! heeh

SAINT MARY'S UNIVERSITY in MINNESOTA!!!!!!!! heeeeeeeey! heh.. doing what i love.

who wouldve thought that all that hard work playing soccer since forever and workin my ass off every day in training and such would've gotten me recrutied to this place? the season was decent, i mostly wanted to make my HS coach proud although i feel like i still let him down. at the end of my senior year it just felt like i could nothing to please this man, he always had his eyes on his STAR players..me not being one.

sucked. but what can you  do ya know? shit happens and you just have to let it go in the end. anyways. im out here living by myself away from mi familia THANK GOD. heh in my pimp ass dorm, and having a blast!

im currently on the swim and soccer team at SMU, and working hard in school to get my degree in Global studies so then i can go back to Paraguay and find my parents...werid but shit its a dream right?

so many of my dreams seem to have been lost over the year, i remember when i was going to marry the man of my dreams...Jonathon Watson Irwin, a Paraguayan boy i meet at this paraguayan reunion in Lake Geneva WIS, broke his finger wrestling outside...and that was so many years ago...and now im left with all these pictures and wondering whatever happened to him. how does someone who has the great of an effect over you simply disappear? life sucks sometimes.

but its late and i have a 7:45 class...

so imma just put up pictures of prom, college, and all that shit. heeh

<3

annd thats all for now.

wow i miss xanga. heh

&hearts; Molly

Tired.

I Love You.

these are the words of my downfall. I'm terrified of "love". i love pretending i am IN love. and i love feeling loved. but being IN love in itself scares the shit outta me. He told me he loved me two months from next saturday..and i still dont want to believe him.

how can someone as strong as me have an acillies heel to something as amazing and special as love? i can face up 100 pound forwards on the pitch, live 17 years with a lady who breaks my heart, let my past be stripped from me. how can i face all this in my life and yet choke when someone as wonderful and sweet as Julian Rodriguez?

my amazing, sexy, sweet, caring, loving, athletic, kind boyfriend. the guy who makes me smile when i see his name on my caller ID at 12:50 p.m. the guy who's  house i would bike 10 miles to just to see him. the guy i would share 100 firecracker filled summer nights again just to see him smile as much as he did on our 6 month. maybe i DO love him.

i care for him times...well more than any other.

how do i deal with an age old phobia...so that i can be happy with the one guy who's been there for me and loved me just the way i am?

Summer's end

all things must come to an end my friend....

its just that sometimes accepting that end is harder than you may think. this summer has proven to me that I am not just what I want to be but more. I've changed into millions of different types of girls..and yet, in the end I've been molded into the person I always knew I'd be.

confident. proud. attractive. bold. flirtatious. sensible. & mature.

i've gotten into trouble on multiple occasions and never regretted a single one. i've broken a heart for less than 24 hours. i've drunken until my limbs were numb and then...i broke my most firm rule...i cheated.  i've been involved in things that made my mind spin. like nationals in soccer. like soccer in general. like my college applications. i've worked harder than ever. like the 45 hours a week i slaved in my one of 3 jobs.

all in all. a summer has never felt more successful. more complete. and to think that when school starts up again. i wont really care anymore of other opinions, or ot the glances, whispers, comments or drama. because i'm sick of the immaturity of age. its disgusting. if you say your going to write me a 10 page apology note..honor yourself..and do it.

on the last note.

this summer has left me with this: "be yourself, because in the end that's all you're left with."

Its been forever

thinkin bout the "since whens".

how long its been since i started up this xanga thing....so long ago, when boyfriends seemed like hot news, when grade school drama was recited in exact detail on xanga so the whole school would know the next day.

how far we've come since then.

anyways...i guess now these days im writing this for me. b/c its easier that way, and becasue i simply dont give a shit who reads this. if i've learned one thing this summer its that.

ive been dating a guy for almost half  a year. i cheated once...unlike me since ive never cheated on a guy ive been serious about which narrows it down to about 2, peter and now julian. funny how shit turns out. almost 6 months with a guy i met first on the train. *sigh* the shit we've been through to be together. it kinda makes it worth it now that all of those ppl who tried to pull us apart have failed at their own relationships. hes a good guy. and he looks out for me and i him. hes had my back and ive had to play the bitch to watch out for him. we've had our tears, our fights, our hard days and yet...after everything he can still say "I love you babe" at the end of the call/day/date.

been tired a lot lately...not eating much anymore, mom says its good that i lay off. what a dork. lol honestly im not dying or being anorexic. honest.  working myself too hard people say. well i need to get outta here. and im halfway gone. "its all about the money" people say..well if it helps you sleep at night think what you like.

a lot of firsts this summer. the last summer im going to have with WY ppl. no need to narrate them here. but "love" falls in the top 10 on that list right after "coffee" and right before "commitment"

thinkin about things since....

MILITARY BALL

"Whats that dress for?"Griff
"Military Ball."-Me
"With who?"Griff
"My girlfriend."-Me
"Wait, don't you have a boyfriend?"Griff
"Yeah, I've got one of each."-Me
"...How does that work? Do they know wabout each other?"Griff
"Griff I'm straight, I'm going with KT."-Me
"You trickster"-Griff

David, Cruz, Kt & me

Kt & me b4 MIl ball

KT n Luis

ME and the Zetek girls

AManda & lauren

Me & Kt

Me, Luis & Kt

Michelle & Me (rook looking funny in background)

sexi amanda

Kt & me again

BEST NIGHT EVER